Simple Math
This move has been a life lesson for sure. Hell, this YEAR has been a life lesson. As new people come into my life and old ones return, I’ve been learning lately about simple math. Not the addition, subtraction, multiplication kind… we all know I suck at that. But instead, whether or not people add things to your life or take them away. Some people do neither.
So I’ve been thinking a lot today about that. Am I adding anything to my friend’s lives? Are they adding anything to mine? Do I have to keep certain people in my life, just because they’re there? The answer to the last question, is no. I like to think that I add something, even something small, to those I have interactions with. It’s definitely something to work towards, being a better person and all. There are a few people I wonder about whether or not they should be allowed to be a part of my life. I think I know the answers to those questions, but it’s hard sometimes when you like them. Some people are just toxic though…and when you’ve been through the hell that’s been my life this year, you really need to surround yourself with lightness instead of darkness and drama. It’s a tough thing to put into action though, when you’re a fixer, like me. I want to fix everyone’s problems and unhappiness. All that’s ever gotten me is unhappiness and frustration because people need to want to be better people on their own, not because you’d like them to be or even when you need them to be.
I need to get better at setting boundaries with people. People can only do to you, what you let them do. So that’s my me project for now…setting boundaries and limitations on behaviour, both mine and others who I choose to let into my circle. Thinking about what I’m adding to others and who’s adding to me…and who’s not.
P.S. And a tiny lesson about blogs for a certain someone… this is MY blog… I can discuss whatever I choose to here. Period.
November 1st, 2009 at 1:40 pm
YES…..get rid of the toxic people and YES…..set your boundaries, even with friends. It’s toughh to do but your life will be that much more fulfilled – I promise. It took me a long time to be able to set mine but I’m a happier person now for doing it.
And another YES….you ARE adding to other people’s lives. To see a simple thing as a “status update” from you – whether it be a one-liner of humor or of something else makes me think of you and all that you have overcome (or are still overcoming) in the past year. It also puts my own life in perspective….to not stress about the little things…..
November 1st, 2009 at 4:56 pm
I am a “fixer”, too, so I get ya.
The bottom line is, no matter how hard to live by, that you can’t help anyone that either doesn’t want to be helped, doesn’t know they need help, and/or can’t at least try to help themselves.
As harsh as it may sound, you gotta scrape ‘em off. Toxic people are like parasites.
You are loved by many, so you 1)must add something to the lives of those who love/know you and 2)may pick and choose who those people are.
November 12th, 2009 at 11:32 pm
I think your philosophy is a good one for anyone to have, regardless of the status of things in their life. Toxic people taint our perspective, they make us doubt ourselves, they can upset a situation that doesn’t need to be changed. You need to make the changes you need to make for YOU and the benefit of your kids. No apologies, no compromises. Do what’s best FOR YOU.
December 21st, 2009 at 11:57 am
wow! talk about the laws of attraction…i was laying in bed this morning thinking about the toxic relationships in my life, and how, now that i have reconnected w/ some very healthy old friends on facebook, i don’t feel the need to hang on to the “sickies” anymore. but i, also being a fixer/social worker, have had a hard ime justifying letting them go, but ypour post that i just read has confirmed the need to do so! thanks!!!