Exactly one year ago, this very minute, I was learning of Ken’s death and that my family’s world was irrevocably changed. I often wondered how I would make it through a day, much less a year. They say that the first year after such a loss is the hardest. It sure wasn’t easy. I’ve written about some of the events that have transpired during the last 365 days, some good, some bad, some REALLY bad. I can honestly say that at the end of it all, I am a happier person, not BECAUSE it happened, but DESPITE it happening. It didn’t destroy me, when it could have. I’ve done things that I didn’t think I’d be able to do on my own…and I’ve done some things I couldn’t have on my own without the aid and love of friends and family and through God’s grace.

Probably the most valuable lesson I’ve learned is that time is precious and unpredictable. If you are feeling something, you should let it be known. We always say “Life’s too short…” but how many of us actually stop and practice life (because let’s face it that’s all we’re doing, practicing…none of us have it down pat) with that philosophy? I’ve been hard at work, once I got moved and settled, to embrace that philosophy. To tell the people who mean something to me, that they do. To live, to laugh and to love, fully with wreckless abandon. My life is fuller now than before, because of it. There have been huge losses and prices to pay for that and I think about those all the time, but sometimes truly, things have to get far, far worse before they get better. And sometimes, the thing that’s best for you, seems like the worst thing ever. The things we’re most afraid of, we should face head on. Situations that aren’t healthy for us, we need to find the strength to let go of. People who we love, we need to express it to…and we should be thankful for that which we have, not remorseful of the things that we do not.

I’ve had to say goodbye to more people than Ken. Some by my choice, some against it…and I think about those people all the time even still, hoping for the best but accepting that change isn‘t always by our choice.

We are never guaranteed tomorrow…but now, I look forward to waking up every day to see what life has in store for me…to see the people who make my heart smile, and oh how it’s smiling.

Embrace your life…the good, the bad, the ugly. You only get one, live it well and fully. Drink your lemonade.

Yes, there ARE blessings to be found in even the most dire moments of our lives. For me, those blessings come in the form of my children, in whom I see an unbelieveable strength and kindness as they help me, help us, try to move forward with life, as we MUST do. Simple gifts, like coming home to them, giving the house a good cleaning up without being asked to do so, or giving me a hug when I look like I need one, to expressing love more often and compassion. My other blessing of light in this darkness is the huge number of friends, both friends I know in real life and whom I’ve not had the pleasure of meeting, yet. I have been overwhelmed by the support and kindness of so many people who have no motive to help me as a friend, just BEING my friends and lending an ear, or words of encouragement or giving me something to do so that I don’t feel so dreadfully alone as I do at times. These things and people, give me hope that it’s ok to live, it’s ok to laugh, it’s ok to look towards the future, albeit a different future than the one I had planned.

These blessings are a gift…they comfort and assure me that though I am navigating a dark and scary path…that my kids and I are not walking it alone. For that, I thank you.

And so the next chapter of our lives begin… the one where we find the paths to happiness again.

What I suggested was that we each write him a letter or a card for Father’s Day. We then tied them to balloons for release up to the heavens. We took them to the beach he’d started to spend his lunches at, in the hopes that our messages would find him there. I like to think they did anyway. Ashlyn had to work all day, and wanted to speak to Ken in her own way so she didn’t accompany us. And that’s ok, because we all express our grief and feelings differently and in our own time.

Kenzie & Coby preparing for the balloon release

The release...

After we sent them into the air, we watched them until we could no longer see them and then had lunch at his favorite beachside restaurant here in Myrtle Beach, Damon’s Grill. The view of the ocean is spectacular there, and of course, the food is USUALLY great. The kids had fun reminding me of a time we went there that wasn’t so great. I must be getting old, or I have selective amnesia, because I really didn’t remember a bad time there…then they finally said something that sparked my memory of that one time.

To the heavens and beyond...

I’m really hoping that the kids are finding some comfort in these things. I am honestly doing the best that know how to help everyone, and myself, deal with these feelings. But, there’s really not a “how to” book out there that encompasses everyone for this situation… I just hope that Ken can see us…and that he can feel our hearts, heavy as they might be.

Click “The Waving Girl” to see all of our trip photos in full size!

If you ever get the chance to visit Savannah, you should go!

One guess… more to follow soon!