tiggerprr’s scratching post

“There are four questions of value in life… What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. Only love.” -Johnny Depp

Ashlyn posted this on her Facebook page yesterday. It resulted in a little discussion between her and one of her friends about the authenticity of “love” with her friend indicating his belief that love has been proven to be merely a product of chemistry. It was interesting to me to see this dialogue and started me to thinking.

Now, I’d like to point out that I’m not an ageist. That being said, I think that life’s experience can teach you a thing or two about emotions and what is real vs. not real. And moreso via the bad experiences than the good ones. The bad, paving the way for appreciation of the good.

I’m a huge fan of The Matrix movies. And there is one particular scene in Matrix Revolutions that contains dialogue that really affected me:

Neo: I just have never…
Rama-Kandra: …heard a program speak of love?
Neo: It’s a…human emotion.
Rama-Kandra: No, it is a word. What matters is the connection the word implies. I see that you are in love. Can you tell me what you would give to hold on to that connection?
Neo: Anything.
Rama-Kandra: Then perhaps the reason you’re here is not so different from the reason I’m here.

Love IS just a word…used to describe the connection. Is that connection, chemical? Sure…the physical aspect of love is. But it’s foolish, or maybe just naive, to think that it ends with chemistry.

It goes without saying that the many facets of love cannot be put into a single box and tied with a nice ribbon. The love a parent feels for a child is one of the strongest emotions that living entities experience. I say living entities, because this love is not only expressed by human beings…it’s also exhibited by many creatures in the animal kingdom.

Equally as strong is the love that two people experience, this includes the chemistry piece…but it is also the emotion that compels one person to give another the power to break their heart into a billion pieces, but trusting and hoping that they won’t. True love, reciprocates that trust and hope by being careful not to abuse that power. It is also love that grants forgiveness when we are human and fail to keep that trust. We are, after all, fallible.

Chemistry, standing alone, cannot possibly be responsible for the myriad of things that love is comprised of. If it were, there would be by now real “love potions” to alter chemistry to manufacture true love. Most of us, spend a lifetime searching for love. Simple chemistry could provide a quick fix to that search…last I checked, most of us are still looking, kissing frogs and froglettes.

I think Mr. Depp is right. And I think Howard Jones says it best really…What is love, anyway?

What is Love?
I love you whether or not you love me,
I love you even if you think that I don’t,
Sometimes I find you doubt my love for you, but I don’t mind.
Why should I mind? Why should I mind?

Chorus
What is Love, anyway? Does anybody love anybody anyway?
What is Love, anyway? Does anybody love anybody anyway?

Can anybody love anyone so much that they will never fear
Never worry never be sad?
The answer is they cannot love this much nobody can,
This is why I don’t mind you doubting.

And maybe love is letting people be just what they want to be,
The door always must be left unlocked,
To love when circumstance may lead someone away from you,
And not to spend the time just doubting.
~Howard Jones

What do you think?

When we’re confronted with the turns that life’s road makes that lead us down a dark and dusty path, it’s really easy to allow it to consume you. It’d be simple to allow your soul to slip into a world of sadness and despair, anger and bitterness, loneliness and isolation…and who could blame you really? I’m not just speaking of death, though that’s my dark path for now…it could be something as simple as your job not being what you need it to be, your relationships not being what they could be (romantic ones, co-workers, even with your children) or even your relationship with your health as that’s often an unrelenting struggle for some of us. What gets lost sometimes, are the blessings that come from those hard times and situations.

Yes, there ARE blessings to be found in even the most dire moments of our lives. For me, those blessings come in the form of my children, in whom I see an unbelieveable strength and kindness as they help me, help us, try to move forward with life, as we MUST do. Simple gifts, like coming home to them, giving the house a good cleaning up without being asked to do so, or giving me a hug when I look like I need one, to expressing love more often and compassion. My other blessing of light in this darkness is the huge number of friends, both friends I know in real life and whom I’ve not had the pleasure of meeting, yet. I have been overwhelmed by the support and kindness of so many people who have no motive to help me as a friend, just BEING my friends and lending an ear, or words of encouragement or giving me something to do so that I don’t feel so dreadfully alone as I do at times. These things and people, give me hope that it’s ok to live, it’s ok to laugh, it’s ok to look towards the future, albeit a different future than the one I had planned.

These blessings are a gift…they comfort and assure me that though I am navigating a dark and scary path…that my kids and I are not walking it alone. For that, I thank you.

And so the next chapter of our lives begin… the one where we find the paths to happiness again.

Ashlyn’s surgery on Thursday was uneventful, despite being a couple hours behind schedule. We’re hoping that she’ll be able to regain full range of motion in her knee after this. However, it means 5 days a week of physical therapy for the next several weeks. It also means that Ken and I get to push her to exercise her knee when she’s not in therapy, no matter how much she resists, cries or gets angry with us. Good times at Casa tiggerprr. NOT.

It’s interesting to me, the dynamic of loving someone so much that you are willing to yell, coax and cajole them into doing something that’s painful to them, for their greater good. Such is the foundation of parenthood I suppose.

I’m still hating my job. Just waiting for that moment that I can give them my notice and move to greener pastures it will only be the 3rd time I’ve ever quit a job to go to a different one. It has never ceased to amaze me that companies whose primary function is to provide other companies with human resource “expertise” never fail to treat their own employees like dirt. Yet, I stay in the industry… go figure. Codependant anyone? LOL

I’ve been watching “So You Think You Can Dance” this season, I love this show, and I don’t know why! Perhaps it’s the sadist in me that enjoys turning to look at my hubby to make sure he’s watching, when I know he’d rather have badgers nibbling at some tender spot on his body than to be watching this show voluntarily. Noooo, I’m not that mean… much. I couldn’t believe they tossed that poor girl this week (can’t remember her name!), I thought her and Pasha (notice I DO remember HIS name) looked smoking hot together and danced well. ::sigh:: My guess is they were afraid she’d keel over dead in the middle of a routine. The world will never know. I do think that Pasha will be hosed now for a partner, hope that doesn’t cost him in the big picture.

Evan Almighty, go see it. It was better than Bruce Almighty, IMO. Those of you who’ve read my blog for a while know that I do not cry at many movies. I did get misty at one point when all the animals were there waiting to get on the ark. I get misty at the beginning of “The Lion King” when all the animals are heading to Pride Rock to see Simba for the first time. What on earth is it about the majesty of all animalkind congregating that thaws my icy heart so? It’s so embarassing but yeah, animals get me all choked up.

So, that’s what’s been going on in my 100 Acre Woods. How are all of you?

I’m feeling quite like Eeyore lately rather than bouncy tiggerprr. I suppose it would be better if I could manage to find the time to blog more regularly, just to get stuff out there rather than just keeping it in my head and weighing on my heart. So much is going on, I’m afraid that the roller coaster I’ve described in the few posts I have made over the past couple of months continues, and doesn’t seem to be reducing speed at all.

To summarize:

1) Ashlyn is having a 2nd knee surgery on June 28th. It seems that her kneecap is adhering to the rest of her knee making bending her knee difficult. After that, she’ll be having physical therapy five times a week for God know’s how long. Don’t even get me started on slow paying insurance companies and ginormous co-pays. :/

2) I’m frankly amazed that work hasn’t fired me because I’m having to take some much time off with this. However, I’d almost welcome it since work sucks so much! They finally hired me, but I’m finding that hasn’t made me feel any better. I’m honestly just hanging on until I can get Ashlyn better and then I’m going to take a long hard look at the situation.

3) My stepkids have finally arrived, so we’re all adjusting to having 5 of us around and having some family fun.

4) Myrtle Beach tourist season. Bleh. (Though it’s not the hellish hell that people who lived here for a while have described. At least, not to me.)

5) My own back, while troublesome, isn’t really a candidate for any type of intervention. I am seeing the spinal surgeon on Monday to have him look at my neck MRI but the ortho guy I saw initially thinks I’m too young for them to go back in and muck around again. I’m not sure what he thinks I should be doing with a right thumb that locks up involuntarily when I use it for any real length of time. Oh well.

6) I’m down to my very last Ambien CR. That’s very dissapointing. Since I can’t sleep worth a poo worse than normal lately. Yes, I’m hoarding it.

So, so whiny right? LOL

There’s some stuff that I want to be doing… like planting flowers and whatnot in the yard. I don’t even know where to begin with that though. I kill cactus. It’s a talent. I also need to read the last 2 Harry Potter books before the 7th one comes out. I have about 7 other books I also need to read. I should really start taking them everywhere with me, I usually have an hour or so to kill when I am waiting on Ashlyn to get done with her therapy.

So much to do, so little time. Even though I may not always comment, I am lurking around when I have a small window of time to peek in on all of your lives. Don’t forget me..I promise I’ll be back in full force someday soon.

It’s been a long while since I did a meaty post here. Not for lack of things to say, just simply a lack of time/energy to say them. It’s been pointed out to me that people have many plates they try to balance, but that the sheer quantity of my plates outnumbers most people. So, THAT’S why I’m feeling like this, eh? So buckle your seatbelts, this may be a long and bumpy ride, err post.

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This is a crosspost from tiggerprr’s project 365.

We had a great time at The House of tiggerprr. I got lucky and scored a 745pm reservation at Yamato Steak House, which is a Japanese Teppanyaki place (think Benihanas). Ken arrived home from work just in time for us to get to the restaurant. I forgot my camera, so I didn’t get to take a picture of the restaurant. I did however, filtch one from a review site that you can see here. Our chef was funny and very entertaining, actually the best teppanyaki chef I’ve ever had and I’ve had lots! We ate and ate and ate and I still had enough left over for breakfast this morning!

We got home and handed out our tokens of affection. Here’s Ashlyn with hers:

And here’s what I got from the hubby:

The box was so cute, it wolf whistles at you when you open it. I’m keeping that one for when I feel the need to be reminded how hot I really am. LOL

I tried to take a picture of the hubby, but he was camera shy. I got him some Lucky 6 cologne. He really likes the bottle, and the scent. Whew, I was sweating it. Remember, he’s worse than a woman about scents, clothes and don’t even get me started on him and shoe shopping.

The best thing I got though…was this from Mon Petit Chou (My little cabbage, in French. A French term of endearment):

Hope you and your families enjoyed your day of love as much as we did!