“There are four questions of value in life… What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. Only love.” -Johnny Depp

Ashlyn posted this on her Facebook page yesterday. It resulted in a little discussion between her and one of her friends about the authenticity of “love” with her friend indicating his belief that love has been proven to be merely a product of chemistry. It was interesting to me to see this dialogue and started me to thinking.

Now, I’d like to point out that I’m not an ageist. That being said, I think that life’s experience can teach you a thing or two about emotions and what is real vs. not real. And moreso via the bad experiences than the good ones. The bad, paving the way for appreciation of the good.

I’m a huge fan of The Matrix movies. And there is one particular scene in Matrix Revolutions that contains dialogue that really affected me:

Neo: I just have never…
Rama-Kandra: …heard a program speak of love?
Neo: It’s a…human emotion.
Rama-Kandra: No, it is a word. What matters is the connection the word implies. I see that you are in love. Can you tell me what you would give to hold on to that connection?
Neo: Anything.
Rama-Kandra: Then perhaps the reason you’re here is not so different from the reason I’m here.

Love IS just a word…used to describe the connection. Is that connection, chemical? Sure…the physical aspect of love is. But it’s foolish, or maybe just naive, to think that it ends with chemistry.

It goes without saying that the many facets of love cannot be put into a single box and tied with a nice ribbon. The love a parent feels for a child is one of the strongest emotions that living entities experience. I say living entities, because this love is not only expressed by human beings…it’s also exhibited by many creatures in the animal kingdom.

Equally as strong is the love that two people experience, this includes the chemistry piece…but it is also the emotion that compels one person to give another the power to break their heart into a billion pieces, but trusting and hoping that they won’t. True love, reciprocates that trust and hope by being careful not to abuse that power. It is also love that grants forgiveness when we are human and fail to keep that trust. We are, after all, fallible.

Chemistry, standing alone, cannot possibly be responsible for the myriad of things that love is comprised of. If it were, there would be by now real “love potions” to alter chemistry to manufacture true love. Most of us, spend a lifetime searching for love. Simple chemistry could provide a quick fix to that search…last I checked, most of us are still looking, kissing frogs and froglettes.

I think Mr. Depp is right. And I think Howard Jones says it best really…What is love, anyway?

What is Love?
I love you whether or not you love me,
I love you even if you think that I don’t,
Sometimes I find you doubt my love for you, but I don’t mind.
Why should I mind? Why should I mind?

Chorus
What is Love, anyway? Does anybody love anybody anyway?
What is Love, anyway? Does anybody love anybody anyway?

Can anybody love anyone so much that they will never fear
Never worry never be sad?
The answer is they cannot love this much nobody can,
This is why I don’t mind you doubting.

And maybe love is letting people be just what they want to be,
The door always must be left unlocked,
To love when circumstance may lead someone away from you,
And not to spend the time just doubting.
~Howard Jones

What do you think?

Yes, there ARE blessings to be found in even the most dire moments of our lives. For me, those blessings come in the form of my children, in whom I see an unbelieveable strength and kindness as they help me, help us, try to move forward with life, as we MUST do. Simple gifts, like coming home to them, giving the house a good cleaning up without being asked to do so, or giving me a hug when I look like I need one, to expressing love more often and compassion. My other blessing of light in this darkness is the huge number of friends, both friends I know in real life and whom I’ve not had the pleasure of meeting, yet. I have been overwhelmed by the support and kindness of so many people who have no motive to help me as a friend, just BEING my friends and lending an ear, or words of encouragement or giving me something to do so that I don’t feel so dreadfully alone as I do at times. These things and people, give me hope that it’s ok to live, it’s ok to laugh, it’s ok to look towards the future, albeit a different future than the one I had planned.

These blessings are a gift…they comfort and assure me that though I am navigating a dark and scary path…that my kids and I are not walking it alone. For that, I thank you.

And so the next chapter of our lives begin… the one where we find the paths to happiness again.

It’s interesting to me, the dynamic of loving someone so much that you are willing to yell, coax and cajole them into doing something that’s painful to them, for their greater good. Such is the foundation of parenthood I suppose.

I’m still hating my job. Just waiting for that moment that I can give them my notice and move to greener pastures it will only be the 3rd time I’ve ever quit a job to go to a different one. It has never ceased to amaze me that companies whose primary function is to provide other companies with human resource “expertise” never fail to treat their own employees like dirt. Yet, I stay in the industry… go figure. Codependant anyone? LOL

I’ve been watching “So You Think You Can Dance” this season, I love this show, and I don’t know why! Perhaps it’s the sadist in me that enjoys turning to look at my hubby to make sure he’s watching, when I know he’d rather have badgers nibbling at some tender spot on his body than to be watching this show voluntarily. Noooo, I’m not that mean… much. I couldn’t believe they tossed that poor girl this week (can’t remember her name!), I thought her and Pasha (notice I DO remember HIS name) looked smoking hot together and danced well. ::sigh:: My guess is they were afraid she’d keel over dead in the middle of a routine. The world will never know. I do think that Pasha will be hosed now for a partner, hope that doesn’t cost him in the big picture.

Evan Almighty, go see it. It was better than Bruce Almighty, IMO. Those of you who’ve read my blog for a while know that I do not cry at many movies. I did get misty at one point when all the animals were there waiting to get on the ark. I get misty at the beginning of “The Lion King” when all the animals are heading to Pride Rock to see Simba for the first time. What on earth is it about the majesty of all animalkind congregating that thaws my icy heart so? It’s so embarassing but yeah, animals get me all choked up.

So, that’s what’s been going on in my 100 Acre Woods. How are all of you?

To summarize:

1) Ashlyn is having a 2nd knee surgery on June 28th. It seems that her kneecap is adhering to the rest of her knee making bending her knee difficult. After that, she’ll be having physical therapy five times a week for God know’s how long. Don’t even get me started on slow paying insurance companies and ginormous co-pays. :/

2) I’m frankly amazed that work hasn’t fired me because I’m having to take some much time off with this. However, I’d almost welcome it since work sucks so much! They finally hired me, but I’m finding that hasn’t made me feel any better. I’m honestly just hanging on until I can get Ashlyn better and then I’m going to take a long hard look at the situation.

3) My stepkids have finally arrived, so we’re all adjusting to having 5 of us around and having some family fun.

4) Myrtle Beach tourist season. Bleh. (Though it’s not the hellish hell that people who lived here for a while have described. At least, not to me.)

5) My own back, while troublesome, isn’t really a candidate for any type of intervention. I am seeing the spinal surgeon on Monday to have him look at my neck MRI but the ortho guy I saw initially thinks I’m too young for them to go back in and muck around again. I’m not sure what he thinks I should be doing with a right thumb that locks up involuntarily when I use it for any real length of time. Oh well.

6) I’m down to my very last Ambien CR. That’s very dissapointing. Since I can’t sleep worth a poo worse than normal lately. Yes, I’m hoarding it.

So, so whiny right? LOL

There’s some stuff that I want to be doing… like planting flowers and whatnot in the yard. I don’t even know where to begin with that though. I kill cactus. It’s a talent. I also need to read the last 2 Harry Potter books before the 7th one comes out. I have about 7 other books I also need to read. I should really start taking them everywhere with me, I usually have an hour or so to kill when I am waiting on Ashlyn to get done with her therapy.

So much to do, so little time. Even though I may not always comment, I am lurking around when I have a small window of time to peek in on all of your lives. Don’t forget me..I promise I’ll be back in full force someday soon.

Ashlyn’s Surgery and Recovery

She continues to go to Physical Therapy 3 times a week. The Doctor last week was not as happy with her progress towards a straightened and bendy knee and uttered the words, “go in an scope her knee again”. She’s been working pretty hard (well as hard as one can motivate a 17 year old to work anyway) to rehab her knee, but it’s painful and not an easy process.

My Spine! I Need a New Spine!

Not feeling content to have one family member in Physical Therapy, my very own spine has decided to give me guff. I’ve had both lumbar spinal surgery and a 3 level cervical spine fusion in my past and lately both areas have decided to act up causing sciatica through my hip all the way down my left leg and my right hand to go wonky (it’ll freeze, involuntarily, as if I am making the #4 with my hand and I can’t move my thumb without using my other hand). So, I got referred to the same orthopedic practice that did Ashlyn’s knee and now we’re doing Mother/Daughter Physical Therapy 3 times a week and I go in 2 weeks to see what the MRI had to say.

I Am Surrounded By Ieediots! ::Ren voice::
So just over a month ago, I posted about the deal I made with my workplace in order for me to rescind the resignation I had given them. They have still not made good on their end of the bargain and I am afraid their time has run out. I will be clarifying my position on the matter this coming Monday. I could bore you with the details of how Hellish the past month has been with accusations of “maneuvering” and just plain inconsistent and poor management on the part of the current Branch Manager, but we’ll suffice it to say that I’ve worked for fast food restaurants with a stronger Management Team in my past, you’d think that a Human Resources company could get it right. So, we’ll see what happens. I know my hubby is tired of my being stressed out all the time with no committment from the company that I am working as a temporary for. Fortunately, the company that issued my previous job offer, still has that position available and was at last converstion wanted me to keep them informed of my status and interest. Imagine, being appreciated…what a concept.

Everyday Stuff, Marriage, Pets, Etc.
Those three things are kind of major time suckers, just with juggling schedules, work, stress from work and generally not being physically healthy. You add to that, trying to be sure everyone gets fed and has what they need and gets to where they need to be, it makes for a stressed out tiggerprr. Don’t even ask what the house looks like. We have a fun guest coming to visit us for Memorial Day so the rest of this weekend will be spent cleaning the house and getting ready for that. When all I really want to do, is crawl into bed and just hide under the covers (like I did last weekend).

Ken’s been really good about helping me juggle Ashlyn’s rehab and getting her to school and with helping me feed us at night. I’m thankful for that, he’s really stepped up to the plate (no pun intended).

We’ve had teenage drama, that I won’t humiliate Ashlyn by revealing here, but it gets really taxing sometimes when all you want for your kids is to tell you the truth and do the right thing. I also understand that mistakes have to be made in order to grow and learn. It’s just so hard to watch your kids crash and burn sometimes when you want to save them from themselves and they won’t let you. Such is motherhood, I guess.

I’ve become somewhat absentminded, and this is where the pet part comes in… I let OC out on the screen porch last night, but because it was a little hot outside and I didn’t want to A/C the world, I shut the patio door thinking I’d just let him back in in a few mins. And I forgot him for about half an hour! We were sitting down to dinner and I looked down to see his little face by the door looking like “Oliver Twist” begging to be let in. What a bad Cat Mommy! He is still a little miffed with me, I think.

The More The Merrier (!!)
Perhaps the biggest thing going on in tiggerprrland is… Ken’s kids are coming to live with us in 2 weeks. Yes, you heard that right, we will go from having one moody teenage girl to having 2 of those and a soon to be teenage boy with us 24/7. The kids’ mom is going through some difficult changes right now and it’s been decided that it’s for the best that the kids come stay with us. I wish I could say that it’s going to be all rainbows and unicorns, but it’s not. The next few months will be challenging for everyone I am sure, as we all work through blending two more kids into our daily routines and they adjust to living in our home vs. with their Mom. I know it’s going to take a lot of love and patience on many of our parts to make this work. But I am certain with all my heart that this is the best thing for them, even if they don’t see it that way at first (or until they have kids of their own). Wish us luck.

So in closing…that’s what’s been going on with me lately. I’m sorry I haven’t been bouncing around like I should and haven’t been my usual entertaining self. I am making an effort to blog more often now, because I know I’m going to need the therapeutic effects!